In my work, I facilitate a lot of group coaching sessions, as well as presentations to large and small groups on topics like caregiving, anxiety, stress, and self care.
There’s one fact I’ve gleaned from this work — men don’t show up.
What I’ve found that, whether it’s online or in person, individuals who attend these events are 90-100% female.
Years ago, when I facilitated the Daddy Brain Workshop through Meriter Hospital, as well as through state-sponsored events, I saw first hand that there are men out there who need support, as well as women — so why aren’t the men showing up?
Some of the reasons are rooted in conditioned thinking, that men need to “be strong,” “be a man,” and “suck it up.” The result can be devastating to anyone who believes in these mantras — because it can cause the suppression of thoughts, emotions and struggles, instead of sharing them or formally asking for help from a friend, family member, therapist, or support group.
Burying a strong emotion doesn’t make it go away. What it does is fester, causing all kinds of problems including depression, outbursts of anger, and illness.
What I’ve learned is that true strength comes in many forms — including tears, the ability to acknowledge and express one’s thoughts and emotions, and to ask for help. There is no weakness, or shame in needing help.
I have worked with men who were appointed by the state to take a parenting workshop, or who have been caregivers for years and are struggling terribly. I’ve worked with men who have lost children — either through divorce, or through ectopic pregnancies. These men, once they are in a safe space where they can be heard, express a wide array of emotions that they have been carrying around with them, often suppressed, like heavy baggage.
It’s time we encourage men to step into self care, and be able to safely express themselves.