Notice how I said RALLY.

Not a match because this exchange needs to be cooperative, not competitive.

Now, imagine for a moment that the cognitive decides to hold onto the ball instead of hitting it back to consciousness.

Now there is no longer an exchange — but a holding — an imbalance where our attention is stuck in the cognitive (thought/emotion).

It’s not about getting out of, or away from, the cognitive. We’re in our body, with our mind, and that is part of the experience.

Cutting it off (or trying to), is resistance.

It’s about embracing both so neither is being pushed away or pulled upon.

One foot in the physical realm, one in the consciousness realm. This is how we keep the rally going.

The post Consciousness and the Ping Pong Rally appeared first on Joey Donovan Guido.

After we recorded Part 1 of the show, which focused on men’s challenges, Scott followed up with some additional info he wanted me to mention, so I thought I’d share here on my blog …

“Harvard’s study found that many men regret not having lived authentically, as they were often influenced by the expectations of others — be it their parents, employers, or societal pressures. The deep sense of bitterness that comes from not following one’s own path can lead to profound discontent. True peace in old age comes from knowing you lived for yourself, making choices based on your own desires rather than fulfilling someone else’s vision.

Friendship and social bonds are a major predictor of longevity and happiness. According to Harvard, many men experience regret later in life for letting their friendships fade. When these men find themselves isolated in old age, they realize the importance of a strong support network. Without a group of friends to share life’s memories, many feel an overwhelming sense of loneliness and missed opportunities for connection.

The emotional restrictions placed on men by societal norms often lead to the regret of not openly expressing love, appreciation, or gratitude toward family and friends. Many men wish they had said ‘I love you’ more frequently or taken the time to express their true feelings. The result is a deep, sometimes painful sense of isolation, as emotional silence often creates an emotional distance from loved ones.”

You can learn more about Scott here.

The post Men, Isolation & Living Authentically: Wise Words from Scott Savage appeared first on Joey Donovan Guido.

When he was a kid, one of his chores was mowing the lawn, but one day he was not able to get it started.

He came into the house, and said, “dad, I can’t get the mower started.”

Matthew’s dad was not a believer in the word, or the concept of “can’t,” so he went outside with his son, got the mower working, and then bent down toward his son and said, “see son, you were just having trouble.”

This brings up an interesting point about language and intention. In this case, substituting the concept of “can’t,” which is closed, final, and just not happening, with the concept of “having trouble,” which implies there is a solution seems to be a more productive way of thinking and allowing our frontal lobe to navigate towards answers.

In talking with my wife, Kara, about this I also realized that I don’t want to be in a mindset of “having trouble,” either — that doesn’t sound good!

So, from a cognitive point of view, where we’re working with our mind (thought/emotion), it seems more positive to come from the standpoint of, “I need help with …”

Now, we’re proactive in our statement without that negative bias — and it also gives us a clear path to action … to seek help.

But the mind is not the end all, be all of this. It is only one plane of existence.

There’s another plane of existence which I often refer to as consciousness (as well as mindfulness or presence). And as much as our intention to seek help can be powerful, it’s only operating on one plane. If we  couple the cognitive with our consciousness — our connection to the Universe — now we’re working on two planes, which can be far more powerful.

The post What Are You Thinking? appeared first on Joey Donovan Guido.

This got me thinking about my own mind …

I feel like a lot of what I’m doing in life is aligned in a positive way.

Yet, sometimes there is this energy — like a “live wire” — that runs through me, even amidst the positivity and consciousness I experience. Sometimes it’s thought or emotion, but more often it’s energetic … and it’s negative.

And this live wire emits energy. I can feel it — and it sends sparks out into the world — sparks of negativity that are shaping both my perceptions, and also affecting the people and the world around me, and how we relate to each other.

Being aware of the live wire helps me become the observer (awareness) of what I’m experiencing, while I experience it. But that doesn’t necessarily mean the negative energy goes away. And even if, through this awareness, it does go away or dissipate, I notice the negativity can re-emerge. It’s like a cycle of build up and release, like waves washing over a beach and then receding, over and over. That said, I do notice the negative moments feel less strong over time, as I continue to practice mindfulness and letting go of resistance.

What this mindfulness feels like for me is a “grounding” or “rewiring,” which can cause an immediate, virtually effortless shift of energy.

To be clear, this doesn’t mean life is perfect and there’s no suffering or struggle. It just means that I’m intentionally choosing to realign and connect with a level of beingness that’s separate from my mental processes and conditioned mind. Another way of looking at it is putting my attention on a different plane of existence, other than the physical realm (which includes thought and emotion).

In essence, if I had to describe this negative energy that’s emitting from the live wire — it’s caused by the conditioned mind … by the well worn tracks in my brain that say, “you should be stressed now,” or “you should be anxious,” or whatever, which manifests as this (almost) imperceptible energy sparking.

And as I realign — which can be accomplished in many ways including slow, intentional inhales and exhales, or positive affirmations like, “I am safe,” the negative feeling dissipates and is replaced by what I can only describe as centeredness or consciousness.

Another method I have started to practice is something called the inner smile. It has the same effect, and often accompanies that slow, intentional breathing I just mentioned.

Our breath is a portal to consciousness. This is something I learned from Eckart Tolle and Ram Dass, and they are 100% right. We just need to remember to use it to bring ourselves more into the moment so there are less negative sparks, and more space for life.

The post What are Your Energetic Sparks Saying? appeared first on Joey Donovan Guido.

The following is the transcription of the segment. If you’d like to listen to the podcast in its entirety, you can do so here.

Let’s jump in …

JOEY: You mentioned earlier all of these social obligations. I think especially as men, we have different ones. And what I found, as a man and a husband, there’s kind of like this suck it up attitude, right? Which is what appears to be put upon doctors. Just suck it up.

You were saying earlier, which is on par with this concept, that if something’s not working right, you would just put more time into it without really dealing with how you were doing emotionally or cognitively.

And I’m really glad you shared that your wife came with you to a therapy appointment, so she could shed some light on how she saw you struggling. Going to therapy, and bringing your wife into the discussion about your mental and emotional health, probably wan’t the easiest thing to do — but it is such a brave, healthy choice, as opposed to continuing to suck it up.

I think one of the concepts we’ve danced around a little bit is this kind of shame. Like men or doctors might feel shame that they need help, but what they forget is that we’re all human beings.

And there is no shame in getting that help, just like the patients come to you for help. And that was a big lesson for me when my wife got sick. It was kind of all hands on deck. Take care of our two sons. Take care of my wife, and take care of my clients (I run a small marketing firm). And I did nothing for myself until I got to a point where I almost became an alcoholic, and was falling apart.

So for me, was like, all right, you know what? I needed to step back and assess what do I need to do to be OK …

For me it was therapy, joining a men’s group, and it was trying out different solutions — trial and error — like you had mentioned earlier to determine what works and what doesn’t work for self-care.

And I think, you as a doctor know this better than anybody. If someone comes in to your office and says, “hey, here’s my problem,” and they just want you to hand them a pill, that’s not the answer.

JOE: Yeah, I mean, there’s so many different things that you mentioned. To start, it depends on your upbringing. For me, there was, I was the youngest of this large family. There was this philosophy of get out there, get to work, earn your living.

And the whole concept of suck it up, just deal with it, was present … you have to keep going. And then the whole culture of medical training just goes along with that. Everything that we’re taught in medical school and residency is, look, if you can’t hack it, then get out … just keep going.

Don’t deal with your emotions, just suck it up and go.

And, just like you say, being a male in our society, being raised with that type of mentality, and then having the culture of medicine kind of superimpose itself. What ends up happening is any other way that we knew about processing our emotions, even acknowledging our emotions, kind of gets pushed to the sideline to where we forget — if they were ever there.

I think that this is one of the reasons why women in medicine now, there will be in the future a majority of women in medicine, and yet still in medicine today it’s a male dominated culture. And that goes along with the societal expectations of male and female.

So with my clients now, it’s the same process I had to go through to acknowledge — to be able to recognize — when I am suffering. To recognize when I need my own self-compassion, when I need to acknowledge how my emotions are being expressed physically in my body. All of these things were so brand new to me at a very advanced age in my life. And these are things that many other people deal with much earlier in life.

For my clients now, I have to kind of get in there and meet them where they are in this whole suck it up, buttercup, mentality and then try to say, okay, let’s look at another alternative way of looking at this. What’s really happening to you physically, emotionally, spiritually? Because this is the space where you can talk about those things. It’s okay to talk about it. There is no shame in it. It’s called being a human being. It’s called humanity. That’s what we are.

We’re not these superheroes, we’re not superhuman. So all of these things are shifts in the culture and shifts in the mindset that I think especially male physicians need to make eventually in their lives. There are some that never come to that point. Many physicians never come to that point because they’re able to surround themselves with an environment that allows them to continue living this suck it up life. But I think eventually that catches up to you.

JOEY: Yeah, yeah, and it’s in a lot of ways it’s kind of like an unconscious life.

JOE: Exactly.

JOEY: The word human being is the combination of two words for a reason, right? And I think the suck it up mentality is part of this tapestry that humanity has made for whatever reason. And the beingness, whether we call it mindfulness, consciousness, presence — that higher self, that connection to spirit, kind of like you mentioned, gets pushed out of the frame.

So, what would you suggest a doctor do if they are in a situation where they are surrounded by this suck it up culture, but realize they kind of need to make this shift away from it?

JOE: I think first of all, you have to recognize within yourself what’s happening. And if you’re feeling this sense of dread when you go into work, if you’re feeling as if you’re really not being effective at treating your patients because everything else is getting in the way, and you feel like you’re really not a very good doctor — if you start to feel like you even resent having to take care of patients.

These are all symptoms and signs of burnout.

This can go on, and you can become increasingly anxious and even depressed, and feel yourself separated and isolated from everyone else. As you see this start to appear, the most important thing is to realize that you do need to reach out for help. It’s not shameful. I mean, there may be that sense or feeling of shame there. Shame, I also believe, is a normal human emotion. But also to realize that just like your patients need help, just like you refer patients to consultants, to therapists, to psychiatrists, to mental health providers — we need mental health providers. We need coaches, we need therapists, we need spiritual directors, we need everything. All of those supports.

Because the pressures and the constant stress placed upon physicians really call upon us to look outside and to get that type of help that we need, to then digest/internalize that, and to be able to put it into practice and to become a habit so that we can reach some balance in our lives.

Before, I would say when I first started as a pediatrician, I had the belief that this was going to be my life. My vocation. My stance was, “I will throw everything into it. And everybody else, if I find a life partner, they just have to kind of fit in somewhere. If I have children, they have to kind of fit in somewhere.” That was the way I looked at things before. And I think many physicians go into practice feeling that way. And they feel like there may be no other alternative.

There is an alternative.

There is a reality where you can reach a better balance, and that if you do take care of yourself, if you get the support you need, if you’re able to take a break, if you’re able to institute these small little practices that help you re-center yourself and reset yourself, then you can come at the practice of medicine with a whole new mindset — one that brings your authentic self to the forefront, giving your patients what they truly deserve, your full self, not just a piece of you.

The post Moving Beyond the “Suck it Up” Philosophy appeared first on Joey Donovan Guido.

This is the transcription from the podcast …

Setting clear boundaries, first and foremost with myself, has been something that’s been on my mind a lot lately. And I realize that at least sometimes the answer has to be no to someone you love and care for, even when you want to help.

Without clear boundaries, things can erode.

Your mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual self can start to crumble as a caregiver, or even if you’re not a caregiver, if you don’t have clear boundaries.

I’ve been feeling a lot of overwhelm that my boundaries are not properly set with work and life And but I started thinking maybe I’m looking at the concept of boundaries wrong.

Let me explain.

I just started reading the book, Let Them, by Mel Robbins. What it made me think, the first thing that came to mind for me was that this book and other books that have similar philosophies can easily be misconstrued into these hardcore black and white philosophies that are impossible to sustain.

So in other words, in my case as a caregiver to my wife, I’m often the only one that can do what she needs —  whether it’s taking her to a doctor’s appointment, cooking, or driving her to and from work if she’s having vision problems … And I started thinking about that, like what if you’re the only one who can do it? What if there’s nobody else and you’re the last man standing?

Should you let them suffer? Should you “honor your boundaries,” when someone else is in constant pain?

When you’re the only option, sometimes the best option for you is acceptance.

In other words, what do you do when you have nowhere else to turn?

Well, what I do is I turn to the Universe.

And I do my best to tune into consciousness.

I practice acceptance as best I can and I make space over and over throughout the day. And for the most part, I’m all right until I hit that critical moment where fatigue sets in. And then all of a sudden it feels impossible to make space, to be in acceptance again of the fact that, I might not be able to do that billable work today, even though it’s gonna help my client, even though it’s gonna bring more money into our family.

It just feels impossible in that moment to accept the fact that that’s not going to happen, right? And I start to feel emotionally wrecked.

And what sounds, at least on a superficial level, kind of silly is what I work on next is accepting that I’m having trouble accepting.

It’s important to note that when this happens to me or to you, that it’s not a sign of failure. It is a sign of being human. Being a tired human who at that moment is at their limit. Not forever, just at that moment. We just don’t have the bandwidth to make more space and be in acceptance of the situation that quite frankly sucks.

And that’s okay.

Thanks for listening and many blessings to you.

The post Setting Boundaries & Feeling Time Starved appeared first on Joey Donovan Guido.

Are you present in the moment with yourself?

Or are you distracted by your list of todos, your phone, worry about the future, or regret about the past?

Are you so focused on what’s next, that you’re not here now?

This is a normal human trait, the mind is good at distracting us from being here now — so be kind with yourself if this is something you are struggling with.

It can be very challenging to be in the moment — especially with so much distraction readily available. And sometimes the present moment is uncomfortable, or sad.

The thing is, the present moment is all we’ve got, and if we’re missing it because of distraction, it’s gone.

I know this, and yet I often find myself distracted from the moment. When I become aware that I’m not really present, I have the opportunity to focus on the here and now — even when it’s uncomfortable — and live in the moment.

One way to bring yourself into the present moment is to focus on your breath, and what it feels like in your body. A slow, deep breath can help bring you more fully into the now.

The post Are Your Distracted? appeared first on Joey Donovan Guido.

The other day I drew a card that stopped me in my tracks. It said …

“A vital question to ask yourself frequently is: What is my relationship with the present moment — friend or enemy?”

Enemy? Did I read that right?

I had never thought about the present moment in that way before — as a relationship. When I check in it’s typically to see if I am in a place of acceptance or resistance (or a combination of the two).

And in that moment, I realized that the present moment felt like an enemy because I was fighting it — in other words I was resisting it. What Eckhart has done here, in one brief sentence, is help us cut through unconsciousness to reveal our relationship with the present moment. And in doing so, he helps us be IN the present moment.

One of the lessons I’ve learned is that awareness doesn’t necessarily put an end to resistance (AKA suffering), but it DOES put us in a position to take a breath and be in presence. And when we’re in presence, that resistance is like a barking dog that we’ve let out into the backyard, instead of letting it continue to bark right in our face.

What is your relationship to the present moment? Friend or enemy?

The post What is Your Relationship with the Present Moment? appeared first on Joey Donovan Guido.

But why?

What was it about this one word, “confidence,” that seemed to affect me so acutely?

So I’ve been thinking about confidence, and trying to understand and define it from a place of consciousness (mindfulness) instead of ego.

Here’s what I came up with …

Confidence = belief, not only in the self, but in the self + the Universe, which I am part of … belief in “WE” rather than “ME,”

In other words, I’ve had trouble since I’ve been on the path of mindfulness with concepts like confidence — because it felt egoic in nature, very me-centric. But when I got to thinking about the word, and the concept that it represents, I started looking at it a different way. I realized (remembered) that nothing I do is just me doing it — it’s the Universe working through me, with me, to do it. In a way, I’m just the vessel.

When this happens everything works better … from life coaching, to parenting, to my relationship with my wife, to the way my marketing firm functions and thrives.

And from this place, confidence (belief), comes from a place of we, not me.

Thanks for stopping by!

And remember, you are not alone …

The post What is Confidence? appeared first on Joey Donovan Guido.

It’s not a burden.

It’s a gift.

An honor.

A sacred responsibility, that I choose each day.

Yes, it’s still hard.

Yes it’s still challenging.

Yes, it can feel depressing, sad, overwhelming, unmanageable, unfair.

And yet a simple shift in perception, from the egoic state into consciousness, changes everything.

The post The Caregiver’s Perception Shift appeared first on Joey Donovan Guido.