Are your needs being met?
As caregivers, what can often happen is that we’re so busy caring for others that our needs are not addressed. Sometimes we don’t verbalize our needs, while other times we may not even be aware of what our needs are.
As I have become more mindful, I’ve gained some insight into what my needs are — as well as which ones can realistically be met, and which ones can’t. I’ve also realized that taking care of others — whether it’s caring for a spouse, parent, or child — shouldn’t mean we suffer. Yes, suffering is part of life, but being a caregiver doesn’t mean we should be suffering in silence.
It’s important to acknowledge what are needs are, and ask for help if the opportunity arises. This is especially difficult for men, who have been conditioned to “suck it up,” and just grind through each day.
These needs could be small or big, long-term or short-term, from the need for intimacy, to the need for someone else to cook a meal. Speaking of cooking, there are just some nights where I go to cook dinner and I’m really tired, or not feeling well, and am just not up for cooking. In the past, I would push through and feel like a martyr. And then one day I was like, you know what? I don’t need to force myself to cook. If my boys are home from school (they’re both in college), I can ask for help, or we can do takeout.
This is just a small example of taking away suffering. Although cooking is my responsibility in the household, nobody is putting pressure on me to cook — I’m putting it on myself. The shift from forcing myself to cook, to giving myself the grace to sometimes not cook was a healthy shift. And you know what? Everybody understands. Nobody complains. Everybody still eats.
As caregivers, we want to take care of everybody and take away their pain, take away their suffering, their struggle. And sometimes we can take it too far. And when we do that, we start causing our own problems and suffering, because we’re not we’re not acknowledging our needs and taking care of ourselves.
So, take a few minutes and answer the question for yourself … what are your needs, and are they being met?