Over the years, one of the notable things I’ve learned is to change my language. Let me explain …
When it came to thoughts and emotions I used to say, “my feelings” or “my thoughts.” I would really hold on tight to them, as if the thoughts and emotions were me. I’ve changed that language (which was part of conditioned thinking) to “I’m feeling” and “I’m thinking” — and this helped me to understand that I am not my thoughts and emotions — they are something I experience.
It’s just like when you go outside on a cold day. You may feel cold, but you are not the cold, it’s just something you’re experiencing.
When we change our language like this, it gives a little bit of space, some separation between what we’re experiencing and ourselves. In essence, we become the observer of the thought or emotion while experiencing it.
And this space, this place in between, is where consciousness is.
It’s where mindfulness is, and when we can start to create this space it allows us to be in the moment more and still be experiencing what’s going on in our mind. When I first started meditating, I thought to myself, “this is going to be great. I’m never going to feel any negative emotions anymore. Never have any negative thoughts.” I thought that’s how it would work, but I couldn’t have been more wrong. Mindfulness doesn’t mean we don’t feel or have negative thoughts. Mindfulness helps us manage these things better so there’s space for something more than just the thought or emotion.
I learned that we can have strong feelings or thoughts (or both) AND still be OK, that all of these could exist at the same time — and that it didn’t need to be one or the other.
These types of learnings are a large part of the reason I became a life coach for caregivers, because I know how debilitating and exhausting it can be to be caught up in our own thoughts and emotions. My goal is to help others make that space so they can manage their thoughts, emotions, and life more effectively — and ultimately suffer less …
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