As caregivers, what can often happen is that we’re so busy caring for others that our needs are not addressed. Sometimes we don’t verbalize our needs, while other times we may not even be aware of what our needs are.

As I have become more mindful, I’ve gained some insight into what my needs are — as well as which ones can realistically be met, and which ones can’t. I’ve also realized that taking care of others — whether it’s caring for a spouse, parent, or child — shouldn’t mean we suffer. Yes, suffering is part of life, but being a caregiver doesn’t mean we should be suffering in silence.

It’s important to acknowledge what are needs are, and ask for help if the opportunity arises. This is especially difficult for men, who have been conditioned to “suck it up,” and just grind through each day.

These needs could be small or big, long-term or short-term, from the need for intimacy, to the need for someone else to cook a meal. Speaking of cooking, there are just some nights where I go to cook dinner and I’m really tired, or not feeling well, and am just not up for cooking. In the past, I would push through and feel like a martyr. And then one day I was like, you know what? I don’t need to force myself to cook. If my boys are home from school (they’re both in college), I can ask for help, or we can do takeout.

This is just a small example of taking away suffering. Although cooking is my responsibility in the household, nobody is putting pressure on me to cook — I’m putting it on myself. The shift from forcing myself to cook, to giving myself the grace to sometimes not cook was a healthy shift. And you know what? Everybody understands. Nobody complains. Everybody still eats.

As caregivers, we want to take care of everybody and take away their pain, take away their suffering, their struggle. And sometimes we can take it too far. And when we do that, we start causing our own problems and suffering, because we’re not we’re not acknowledging our needs and taking care of ourselves.

So, take a few minutes and answer the question for yourself … what are your needs, and are they being met?

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I have been a caregiver since 2017, and what I’ve noticed is that a lot of the time caregivers don’t really take the best care of themselves. We’re so busy being caregivers, and filling other obligations in our lives, that it’s easy to put ourselves last — and when we do, we’re setting ourselves up for burnout.

I learned from personal experience how important it is for caregivers to have self-care practices that are sustainable and that actually work. What’s interesting is that even though a lot of the methodologies I practice and share are for caregivers — they work for anyone who is looking to reduce burnout, improve their overall health, and lessen stress and anxiety. That said, these practices can be shared with the people you are a caregiver for, helping them, too. 

It’s important to note that the practices I share are customizable. Everything you’ll find in this blog, or in my videos, are suggestions you can take in whatever direction that works for you. The important thing is to make the time to take care of yourself in an effort to improve your mental, physical, emotional and spiritual health.

With self-care comes a lot of positives in our lives, and it also allows us to be better caregivers. Guilt will try to tell you that self-care is selfish. The truth is that it’s a necessary component to a well-lived life — and in being a competent caregiver.

Before you move on with your day, try the following quick practice (as long as you’re comfortable with it), which you can repeat anytime, anywhere … take a slow, deep breath in, and then exhale slowly. Experience this breath mindfully, and be aware of what your body feels like before, during and after the breath.

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