There’s one fact I’ve gleaned from this work — men don’t show up.

What I’ve found that, whether it’s online or in person, individuals who attend these events are 90-100% female.

Years ago, when I facilitated the Daddy Brain Workshop through Meriter Hospital, as well as through state-sponsored events, I saw first hand that there are men out there who need support, as well as women — so why aren’t the men showing up?

Some of the reasons are rooted in conditioned thinking, that men need to “be strong,” “be a man,” and “suck it up.” The result can be devastating to anyone who believes in these mantras — because it can cause the suppression of thoughts, emotions and struggles, instead of sharing them or formally asking for help from a friend, family member, therapist, or support group.

Burying a strong emotion doesn’t make it go away. What it does is fester, causing all kinds of problems including depression, outbursts of anger, and illness.

What I’ve learned is that true strength comes in many forms — including tears, the ability to acknowledge and express one’s thoughts and emotions, and to ask for help. There is no weakness, or shame in needing help.

I have worked with men who were appointed by the state to take a parenting workshop, or who have been caregivers for years and are struggling terribly. I’ve worked with men who have lost children — either through divorce, or through ectopic pregnancies. These men, once they are in a safe space where they can be heard, express a wide array of emotions that they have been carrying around with them, often suppressed, like heavy baggage.

It’s time we encourage men to step into self care, and be able to safely express themselves.

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Depending on who you ask, the word ego can have different definitions, so I’ll share mine with you to make sure we’re on the same page. I learned this from Eckhart Tolle (The Power of Now, A New Earth), one of my teachers who is a resource I like to  recommend to clients who are interested in this type of work.

OK, back to defining the ego …

I like to personify ego because, for me, it’s how I’m able to understand the different parts of the ego, and also how I can effectively share with others in a way that hopefully makes sense.

Ego is made up of more than one part, and it’s a normal part of being human — it can also get in the way, big time, of being in the present moment.

One level of ego is the part of ourselves that identifies with things like how much money we make, our marital status, if we’re happy with things like our looks, education or intelligence, as well as anything that’s a possession — something that’s outside ourselves that the ego uses to define us — like the kind of car we drive, what kind of house we live in, etc.

These all feel like fairly normal things, as it’s part of the American culture AND how our minds have been conditioned throughout our lives.

It’s all part of ego, which can be a double edged sword raising a person above others or placing a person below others. Either way, ego is still defining and judging us — and it’s a no-win situation because we’re pulled out of consciousness because of it.

On the one hand, ego can be that voice in a person’s head that tells them they’re superior to another person. That said, the flip side (or the other hand) is that little, quiet voice in a person’s head that says things to put them down, or feel less than, like: What if I’m not good enough? What if I’m not smart enough? What if I’m a fake? What if I fail? That same voice can make you feel bad about yourself (or fear others think less of you) because of your appearance, intelligence, income … whatever.

So what do we do?

The first step in quelling the ego — whether it’s boosting you up, or bringing you down — is to be aware of it. You don’t have to try to stop it, or resist it, just be aware. Awareness in these situations allows you to become an observer of the moment, and this can naturally create some space between you and your thoughts and emotions. In other words, you are not your thoughts and emotions, they are something you experience.

Want to learn more?
If you’re interested in chatting about life coaching, feel free to book a complimentary discovery call.

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