Notice how I said RALLY.

Not a match because this exchange needs to be cooperative, not competitive.

Now, imagine for a moment that the cognitive decides to hold onto the ball instead of hitting it back to consciousness.

Now there is no longer an exchange — but a holding — an imbalance where our attention is stuck in the cognitive (thought/emotion).

It’s not about getting out of, or away from, the cognitive. We’re in our body, with our mind, and that is part of the experience.

Cutting it off (or trying to), is resistance.

It’s about embracing both so neither is being pushed away or pulled upon.

One foot in the physical realm, one in the consciousness realm. This is how we keep the rally going.

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This got me thinking about my own mind …

I feel like a lot of what I’m doing in life is aligned in a positive way.

Yet, sometimes there is this energy — like a “live wire” — that runs through me, even amidst the positivity and consciousness I experience. Sometimes it’s thought or emotion, but more often it’s energetic … and it’s negative.

And this live wire emits energy. I can feel it — and it sends sparks out into the world — sparks of negativity that are shaping both my perceptions, and also affecting the people and the world around me, and how we relate to each other.

Being aware of the live wire helps me become the observer (awareness) of what I’m experiencing, while I experience it. But that doesn’t necessarily mean the negative energy goes away. And even if, through this awareness, it does go away or dissipate, I notice the negativity can re-emerge. It’s like a cycle of build up and release, like waves washing over a beach and then receding, over and over. That said, I do notice the negative moments feel less strong over time, as I continue to practice mindfulness and letting go of resistance.

What this mindfulness feels like for me is a “grounding” or “rewiring,” which can cause an immediate, virtually effortless shift of energy.

To be clear, this doesn’t mean life is perfect and there’s no suffering or struggle. It just means that I’m intentionally choosing to realign and connect with a level of beingness that’s separate from my mental processes and conditioned mind. Another way of looking at it is putting my attention on a different plane of existence, other than the physical realm (which includes thought and emotion).

In essence, if I had to describe this negative energy that’s emitting from the live wire — it’s caused by the conditioned mind … by the well worn tracks in my brain that say, “you should be stressed now,” or “you should be anxious,” or whatever, which manifests as this (almost) imperceptible energy sparking.

And as I realign — which can be accomplished in many ways including slow, intentional inhales and exhales, or positive affirmations like, “I am safe,” the negative feeling dissipates and is replaced by what I can only describe as centeredness or consciousness.

Another method I have started to practice is something called the inner smile. It has the same effect, and often accompanies that slow, intentional breathing I just mentioned.

Our breath is a portal to consciousness. This is something I learned from Eckart Tolle and Ram Dass, and they are 100% right. We just need to remember to use it to bring ourselves more into the moment so there are less negative sparks, and more space for life.

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Are you present in the moment with yourself?

Or are you distracted by your list of todos, your phone, worry about the future, or regret about the past?

Are you so focused on what’s next, that you’re not here now?

This is a normal human trait, the mind is good at distracting us from being here now — so be kind with yourself if this is something you are struggling with.

It can be very challenging to be in the moment — especially with so much distraction readily available. And sometimes the present moment is uncomfortable, or sad.

The thing is, the present moment is all we’ve got, and if we’re missing it because of distraction, it’s gone.

I know this, and yet I often find myself distracted from the moment. When I become aware that I’m not really present, I have the opportunity to focus on the here and now — even when it’s uncomfortable — and live in the moment.

One way to bring yourself into the present moment is to focus on your breath, and what it feels like in your body. A slow, deep breath can help bring you more fully into the now.

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The other day I drew a card that stopped me in my tracks. It said …

“A vital question to ask yourself frequently is: What is my relationship with the present moment — friend or enemy?”

Enemy? Did I read that right?

I had never thought about the present moment in that way before — as a relationship. When I check in it’s typically to see if I am in a place of acceptance or resistance (or a combination of the two).

And in that moment, I realized that the present moment felt like an enemy because I was fighting it — in other words I was resisting it. What Eckhart has done here, in one brief sentence, is help us cut through unconsciousness to reveal our relationship with the present moment. And in doing so, he helps us be IN the present moment.

One of the lessons I’ve learned is that awareness doesn’t necessarily put an end to resistance (AKA suffering), but it DOES put us in a position to take a breath and be in presence. And when we’re in presence, that resistance is like a barking dog that we’ve let out into the backyard, instead of letting it continue to bark right in our face.

What is your relationship to the present moment? Friend or enemy?

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But why?

What was it about this one word, “confidence,” that seemed to affect me so acutely?

So I’ve been thinking about confidence, and trying to understand and define it from a place of consciousness (mindfulness) instead of ego.

Here’s what I came up with …

Confidence = belief, not only in the self, but in the self + the Universe, which I am part of … belief in “WE” rather than “ME,”

In other words, I’ve had trouble since I’ve been on the path of mindfulness with concepts like confidence — because it felt egoic in nature, very me-centric. But when I got to thinking about the word, and the concept that it represents, I started looking at it a different way. I realized (remembered) that nothing I do is just me doing it — it’s the Universe working through me, with me, to do it. In a way, I’m just the vessel.

When this happens everything works better … from life coaching, to parenting, to my relationship with my wife, to the way my marketing firm functions and thrives.

And from this place, confidence (belief), comes from a place of we, not me.

Thanks for stopping by!

And remember, you are not alone …

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It’s not a burden.

It’s a gift.

An honor.

A sacred responsibility, that I choose each day.

Yes, it’s still hard.

Yes it’s still challenging.

Yes, it can feel depressing, sad, overwhelming, unmanageable, unfair.

And yet a simple shift in perception, from the egoic state into consciousness, changes everything.

The post The Caregiver’s Perception Shift appeared first on Joey Donovan Guido.

Today I’d like to share something with you that has helped me transform my life, essentially making it easier for me to make space and be more mindful when I feel overwhelmed by a thought or emotion.

This analogy ties into something I talk about a lot — and it might seem like a foreign concept if it’s the first time you’re hearing it — we are not our thoughts and emotions, they are something we experience.

Now, saying, “I am not my thoughts and emotions, they are something I experience,” is all well and good — but how do we embody that? How do we live it when we’re in the throes of distress?

This is where The River Analogy comes into play …

For much of my adult life, when I experienced a strong emotion or thought, I would feel immersed in it.

During one of these moments the vision of a river came to me. A raging river — and I was up to my eyeballs in it, nearly drowning in emotion/thought. It was quite an accurate, overwhelming visual, but then something changed …

… I said to myself, “you know what, why don’t I just get out of the river? Just get out.”

And then I visualized myself literally getting out of the river and toweling off at a safe distance from it.

Now here’s the thing: the river’s still there, the emotion, the thought, is still there. But now I’ve created some separation between myself and it, so there’s room for something more than that thought or emotion. And with this separation, or space, it becomes clear that our thoughts and emotions are not us. They are, like the river, something we experience while we’re in it, but not actually who we are.

Thanks for stopping by. And remember, you are not alone …

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So, the little i is part of the ego, and in addition to being attached to things like possessions, social status, etc., ego can also be that negative self-talk that we’ve got going on, and also things like worry and fear have an attachment to ego — that little i.

Then there’s the big I, which is kind of what I refer to as our eternal self, or our consciousness. It can be referred to as the soul, energy, or something similar, it really depends on what you’ve studied and what you’ve learned growing up.

The thing is, no matter what’s going on in the physical world, the big I is like, “Yeah, I’m good. Even with all this stuff I’m experiencing as a human being … I’m still good.” This is consciousness and it’s with us — always.

Now, the human part of existing as a human being may not feel alright at all. It might be experiencing extreme fear, stress or worry — about the future, the past — and all this stuff that the ego throws at us is DISTRACTION from being in the present moment. That’s not to say it’s unimportant, or that we should delegitimize it, what we experience, what we feel, what we think. We want to acknowledge it. We want to honor it, and we also don’t want to be slave to it.

If this resonates, it’s a good idea to check in with yourself throughout the day to see if you are coming from a place of little i or big I. That said, there’s no need for judgment if you find yourself stuck in ego. Just hit the reset button and move toward consciousness when you find yourself there.

Want to learn more?
If you’re interested in chatting about in-person or virtual life coaching, feel free to book a complimentary discovery call.

And remember, you are not alone …

The post The Big I, the Little I, and Distraction appeared first on Joey Donovan Guido.

Over the years, one of the notable things I’ve learned is to change my language. Let me explain …

When it came to thoughts and emotions I used to say, “my feelings” or “my thoughts.” I would really hold on tight to them, as if the thoughts and emotions were me. I’ve changed that language (which was part of conditioned thinking) to “I’m feeling” and “I’m thinking” — and this helped me to understand that I am not my thoughts and emotions — they are something I experience.

It’s just like when you go outside on a cold day. You may feel cold, but you are not the cold, it’s just something you’re experiencing.

When we change our language like this, it gives a little bit of space, some separation between what we’re experiencing and ourselves. In essence, we become the observer of the thought or emotion while experiencing it.

And this space, this place in between, is where consciousness is.

It’s where mindfulness is, and when we can start to create this space it allows us to be in the moment more and still be experiencing what’s going on in our mind. When I first started meditating, I thought to myself, “this is going to be great. I’m never going to feel any negative emotions anymore. Never have any negative thoughts.” I thought that’s how it would work, but I couldn’t have been more wrong. Mindfulness doesn’t mean we don’t feel or have negative thoughts. Mindfulness helps us manage these things better so there’s space for something more than just the thought or emotion.

I learned that we can have strong feelings or thoughts (or both) AND still be OK, that all of these could exist at the same time — and that it didn’t need to be one or the other.

These types of learnings are a large part of the reason I became a life coach for caregivers, because I know how debilitating and exhausting it can be to be caught up in our own thoughts and emotions. My goal is to help others make that space so they can manage their thoughts, emotions, and life more effectively — and ultimately suffer less …

Want to learn more?
If you’re interested in chatting about life coaching, feel free to book a complimentary discovery call.

The post Changing Our Language & Making Space appeared first on Joey Donovan Guido.

Taking a step back and looking more broadly at emotions and thoughts, I found that I’ve had a lot of different caregiver-centric emotions including anger and resentment. At one point I felt resentment toward my wife, until I worked through it and realized this is not about her. She didn’t do anything to me. The resentment I felt was towards her health issues, not her, and this shift in understanding what I was feeling — AND what this feeling was connected — to helped me come to a place of acceptance over time.

There are a lot of emotions and thoughts that don’t really feel very good. Anger, hopelessness, depression, which some of us may have had before we became caregivers, and then once we become a caregiver that can really exacerbate, so much that it can be hard to function. Some of the emotions that have been hardest for me have been grief and loss for things I almost took for granted, and one day were just gone.

A lot of this can be traumatic as well.

We won’t talk too much about trauma today, that will come later in the year once I embark on a trauma certification, but I do want to mention it because it’s a real thing — and it’s not just trauma experienced by the person we’re giving care to. It’s trauma experienced by the caregiver, too.

One of the biggest things I learned, and it was a really big deal, was that you are not your thoughts and emotions. They are something you experience.

I was just thinking about this today, and remembered an analogy that really sums it up. Back in January, I facilitated an in-person workshop and it was freezing here in Madison, WI. And when I went outside, I felt incredibly cold, but I was not the cold, I was simply experiencing it (which is one of the reasons why I want to move to a warmer climate). And one of the cornerstones of understanding that we’re not our thoughts and emotions is the fact that we can create a little space there, right? A little separation between being the observer of what we’re experiencing, as well as the human being experiencing it.

All of a sudden, we’re not drowning in those thoughts and emotions, because there’s a little bit of space.

Once we start to practice this, we become the observer of our mind. And when we’re the observer, then we can make some room for something else, other than that thought or emotion, which can be totally overwhelming. I always joke with my kids, that if hold a photograph right in front of my face, real close, that’s all I’m going to see — and that’s what the mind can feel like when we’re fixated (aka, drowning in) our thoughts or emotions. But when we take a step back and make some space between the photo and ourselves, we start to see there’s more to our life than just that photo.

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