Notice how I said RALLY.

Not a match because this exchange needs to be cooperative, not competitive.

Now, imagine for a moment that the cognitive decides to hold onto the ball instead of hitting it back to consciousness.

Now there is no longer an exchange — but a holding — an imbalance where our attention is stuck in the cognitive (thought/emotion).

It’s not about getting out of, or away from, the cognitive. We’re in our body, with our mind, and that is part of the experience.

Cutting it off (or trying to), is resistance.

It’s about embracing both so neither is being pushed away or pulled upon.

One foot in the physical realm, one in the consciousness realm. This is how we keep the rally going.

The post Consciousness and the Ping Pong Rally appeared first on Joey Donovan Guido.

After we recorded Part 1 of the show, which focused on men’s challenges, Scott followed up with some additional info he wanted me to mention, so I thought I’d share here on my blog …

“Harvard’s study found that many men regret not having lived authentically, as they were often influenced by the expectations of others — be it their parents, employers, or societal pressures. The deep sense of bitterness that comes from not following one’s own path can lead to profound discontent. True peace in old age comes from knowing you lived for yourself, making choices based on your own desires rather than fulfilling someone else’s vision.

Friendship and social bonds are a major predictor of longevity and happiness. According to Harvard, many men experience regret later in life for letting their friendships fade. When these men find themselves isolated in old age, they realize the importance of a strong support network. Without a group of friends to share life’s memories, many feel an overwhelming sense of loneliness and missed opportunities for connection.

The emotional restrictions placed on men by societal norms often lead to the regret of not openly expressing love, appreciation, or gratitude toward family and friends. Many men wish they had said ‘I love you’ more frequently or taken the time to express their true feelings. The result is a deep, sometimes painful sense of isolation, as emotional silence often creates an emotional distance from loved ones.”

You can learn more about Scott here.

The post Men, Isolation & Living Authentically: Wise Words from Scott Savage appeared first on Joey Donovan Guido.

But why?

What was it about this one word, “confidence,” that seemed to affect me so acutely?

So I’ve been thinking about confidence, and trying to understand and define it from a place of consciousness (mindfulness) instead of ego.

Here’s what I came up with …

Confidence = belief, not only in the self, but in the self + the Universe, which I am part of … belief in “WE” rather than “ME,”

In other words, I’ve had trouble since I’ve been on the path of mindfulness with concepts like confidence — because it felt egoic in nature, very me-centric. But when I got to thinking about the word, and the concept that it represents, I started looking at it a different way. I realized (remembered) that nothing I do is just me doing it — it’s the Universe working through me, with me, to do it. In a way, I’m just the vessel.

When this happens everything works better … from life coaching, to parenting, to my relationship with my wife, to the way my marketing firm functions and thrives.

And from this place, confidence (belief), comes from a place of we, not me.

Thanks for stopping by!

And remember, you are not alone …

The post What is Confidence? appeared first on Joey Donovan Guido.

There’s one fact I’ve gleaned from this work — men don’t show up.

What I’ve found that, whether it’s online or in person, individuals who attend these events are 90-100% female.

Years ago, when I facilitated the Daddy Brain Workshop through Meriter Hospital, as well as through state-sponsored events, I saw first hand that there are men out there who need support, as well as women — so why aren’t the men showing up?

Some of the reasons are rooted in conditioned thinking, that men need to “be strong,” “be a man,” and “suck it up.” The result can be devastating to anyone who believes in these mantras — because it can cause the suppression of thoughts, emotions and struggles, instead of sharing them or formally asking for help from a friend, family member, therapist, or support group.

Burying a strong emotion doesn’t make it go away. What it does is fester, causing all kinds of problems including depression, outbursts of anger, and illness.

What I’ve learned is that true strength comes in many forms — including tears, the ability to acknowledge and express one’s thoughts and emotions, and to ask for help. There is no weakness, or shame in needing help.

I have worked with men who were appointed by the state to take a parenting workshop, or who have been caregivers for years and are struggling terribly. I’ve worked with men who have lost children — either through divorce, or through ectopic pregnancies. These men, once they are in a safe space where they can be heard, express a wide array of emotions that they have been carrying around with them, often suppressed, like heavy baggage.

It’s time we encourage men to step into self care, and be able to safely express themselves.

The post Where are the Men? appeared first on Joey Donovan Guido.

Today I’d like to share something with you that has helped me transform my life, essentially making it easier for me to make space and be more mindful when I feel overwhelmed by a thought or emotion.

This analogy ties into something I talk about a lot — and it might seem like a foreign concept if it’s the first time you’re hearing it — we are not our thoughts and emotions, they are something we experience.

Now, saying, “I am not my thoughts and emotions, they are something I experience,” is all well and good — but how do we embody that? How do we live it when we’re in the throes of distress?

This is where The River Analogy comes into play …

For much of my adult life, when I experienced a strong emotion or thought, I would feel immersed in it.

During one of these moments the vision of a river came to me. A raging river — and I was up to my eyeballs in it, nearly drowning in emotion/thought. It was quite an accurate, overwhelming visual, but then something changed …

… I said to myself, “you know what, why don’t I just get out of the river? Just get out.”

And then I visualized myself literally getting out of the river and toweling off at a safe distance from it.

Now here’s the thing: the river’s still there, the emotion, the thought, is still there. But now I’ve created some separation between myself and it, so there’s room for something more than that thought or emotion. And with this separation, or space, it becomes clear that our thoughts and emotions are not us. They are, like the river, something we experience while we’re in it, but not actually who we are.

Thanks for stopping by. And remember, you are not alone …

The post The River Analogy appeared first on Joey Donovan Guido.

One of the ways we do this is through awareness, observing what’s happening in the moment, and doing our best to accept what is — if only for just that moment.

But what about when resistance rears its head?

For instance, if we’re experiencing worry about the person we are a caregiver for it’s easy to start feeling resistance to what is … specifically, whatever is ailing them.

Let’s use my wife’s health as an example. I often experience worry about her health, as well as resistance that she’s sick. Notice how I describe this as “experiencing,” these things. One way of creating space between thoughts and emotions is to acknowledge that these thoughts and emotions are not us — they are something we experience. Just like you are not the cold if you go outside in the dead of winter. You experience the cold, and you are not it.

So resistance can easily push us away from accepting what is. It can also put us in a place where we are not fully in the moment.

One way to look at resistance is, it’s something that comes up when someone tells you what to do, and there might be an immediate resistance, like, “oh, yeah, don’t tell me what to do!” That’s a very basic form of resistance.

Whereas, if somebody says, “hey, what do you think about X, Y and Z, how should we handle it?” Now, resistance is much less likely to rear its head, because you’re being asked a question and you’re being asked for your opinion.

So it makes sense that might be a level of resistance present when somebody gets sick, because you weren’t asked, “what’s your opinion here on being a caregiver?” — it just came into your life.  so now, you might be feeling resistant to what your care recipient (what I call the “caregivee”) is going through, as well resisting being a caregiver, making resistance a multi-layered not-fun experience.

Cooking breakfast is something I have resistance to. I don’t like to cook, so there’s resistance on that level. So in the morning, I get up, I exercise, I meditate, and then I cook. And as soon as I go into the kitchen I start feeling this resistance to cooking. And I realize it’s not just about the fact that I don’t like to cook. It’s about the fact that my wife is not well enough to cook.

And then that brings up the resistance I have to her illness, to the situation, to the fact that I don’t like cooking, and I don’t I don’t want to have to be a caregiver.

I didn’t choose this.

And all of a sudden, this resistance starts to mount and become stronger.

These types of thoughts and emotions aren’t relegated just to caregivers taking care of loved ones. They can also be experienced by nurses, doctors, therapists, or anyone who takes care of others in a professional setting — and each of these scenarios are going to have different stressors and different triggers — different trauma that might come up. But regardless of the exact situation, each of us needs to learn how to how to cope with the caregiver role in a way that’s healthy.

As mentioned earlier, being aware of what you’re feeling, of what you’re thinking, of observing it, is one way of handling thoughts and emotions in a healthy way — even if you’re noticing resistance, that’s OK! Just do your best to accept that you’re feeling (experiencing) resistance. Because the alternative is to resist that your’re feeling resistant and that just adds another layer of suffering.

And even if whatever you’re experiencing doesn’t go away, that’s okay. The fact that you are observing yourself, in awareness (or in presence) that you are resistant to x, y and z, is progress — so please be kind to yourself as you work through this.

You may be wondering, how do I get to a place where I’m in awareness?

One of the simplest — yet extremely effective — ways of being in awareness is to practice intentional breathing as long as this is something you’re comfortable with. Slow, deep breathing, and actually visualize each breath filling up your body can go a long way in helping you be in the present moment, observe the situation, and even calm you down (slow breathing is a clear signal your vagus nerve can deliver to your brain that you are safe and OK).

Want to learn more?
If you’d like more help dealing with resistance, acceptance and the struggles of being a caregiver, feel free to reach out and schedule a complimentary discovery call to see if in-person or virtual life coaching is right for you.

The post Dealing with Resistance to Being a Caregiver appeared first on Joey Donovan Guido.

How do we integrate emotional, cognitive and/or spiritual growth when the physical plane of existence still presents itself similarly (or identically) to how it did before the growth occurred?

What I’ve found is that it’s in the decisions we make.

Do we choose a conditioned response to what we’re experiencing on the physical plane, or a new response — free of conditioning — that aligns with the change (growth) we’ve experienced?

Through a new, unconditioned response the physical plane is transformed — even if it appears the same, it is ripe with transformative energy because we are interacting with it from a different place, and this gives us space to experience things differently.

This started to clarify for me on a recent trip to Ireland, where I was faced with many situations that in the past would have queued up conditioned responses. The fact that I was in a different physical place, and also actively learning about and practicing Celtic Shamanism, seemed to make it easier to respond to these situations in a non-conditioned, neutral way.

Once back home, the physical environment (predominantly our home and my office) was the same as it was before traveling — and I could see and feel an old conditioned mindset trying to creep back in.

Being aware of this has helped with letting go of these conditioned responses.

That said, if we DO act out a conditioned response — all is not lost — especially if we were aware of the response while it was happening. Or maybe we didn’t become aware of it until after it occurred. Either way, it’s worth noting that these conditioned responses can be very strong and take time to transform or fully release, so it’s important to be kind to oneself if this happens, and not turn a moment of conditioned thinking into feelings of failure and suffering.

The post The Many Levels of Change appeared first on Joey Donovan Guido.

So, the little i is part of the ego, and in addition to being attached to things like possessions, social status, etc., ego can also be that negative self-talk that we’ve got going on, and also things like worry and fear have an attachment to ego — that little i.

Then there’s the big I, which is kind of what I refer to as our eternal self, or our consciousness. It can be referred to as the soul, energy, or something similar, it really depends on what you’ve studied and what you’ve learned growing up.

The thing is, no matter what’s going on in the physical world, the big I is like, “Yeah, I’m good. Even with all this stuff I’m experiencing as a human being … I’m still good.” This is consciousness and it’s with us — always.

Now, the human part of existing as a human being may not feel alright at all. It might be experiencing extreme fear, stress or worry — about the future, the past — and all this stuff that the ego throws at us is DISTRACTION from being in the present moment. That’s not to say it’s unimportant, or that we should delegitimize it, what we experience, what we feel, what we think. We want to acknowledge it. We want to honor it, and we also don’t want to be slave to it.

If this resonates, it’s a good idea to check in with yourself throughout the day to see if you are coming from a place of little i or big I. That said, there’s no need for judgment if you find yourself stuck in ego. Just hit the reset button and move toward consciousness when you find yourself there.

Want to learn more?
If you’re interested in chatting about in-person or virtual life coaching, feel free to book a complimentary discovery call.

And remember, you are not alone …

The post The Big I, the Little I, and Distraction appeared first on Joey Donovan Guido.

Depending on who you ask, the word ego can have different definitions, so I’ll share mine with you to make sure we’re on the same page. I learned this from Eckhart Tolle (The Power of Now, A New Earth), one of my teachers who is a resource I like to  recommend to clients who are interested in this type of work.

OK, back to defining the ego …

I like to personify ego because, for me, it’s how I’m able to understand the different parts of the ego, and also how I can effectively share with others in a way that hopefully makes sense.

Ego is made up of more than one part, and it’s a normal part of being human — it can also get in the way, big time, of being in the present moment.

One level of ego is the part of ourselves that identifies with things like how much money we make, our marital status, if we’re happy with things like our looks, education or intelligence, as well as anything that’s a possession — something that’s outside ourselves that the ego uses to define us — like the kind of car we drive, what kind of house we live in, etc.

These all feel like fairly normal things, as it’s part of the American culture AND how our minds have been conditioned throughout our lives.

It’s all part of ego, which can be a double edged sword raising a person above others or placing a person below others. Either way, ego is still defining and judging us — and it’s a no-win situation because we’re pulled out of consciousness because of it.

On the one hand, ego can be that voice in a person’s head that tells them they’re superior to another person. That said, the flip side (or the other hand) is that little, quiet voice in a person’s head that says things to put them down, or feel less than, like: What if I’m not good enough? What if I’m not smart enough? What if I’m a fake? What if I fail? That same voice can make you feel bad about yourself (or fear others think less of you) because of your appearance, intelligence, income … whatever.

So what do we do?

The first step in quelling the ego — whether it’s boosting you up, or bringing you down — is to be aware of it. You don’t have to try to stop it, or resist it, just be aware. Awareness in these situations allows you to become an observer of the moment, and this can naturally create some space between you and your thoughts and emotions. In other words, you are not your thoughts and emotions, they are something you experience.

Want to learn more?
If you’re interested in chatting about life coaching, feel free to book a complimentary discovery call.

The post Defining the Ego appeared first on Joey Donovan Guido.

As caregivers, what can often happen is that we’re so busy caring for others that our needs are not addressed. Sometimes we don’t verbalize our needs, while other times we may not even be aware of what our needs are.

As I have become more mindful, I’ve gained some insight into what my needs are — as well as which ones can realistically be met, and which ones can’t. I’ve also realized that taking care of others — whether it’s caring for a spouse, parent, or child — shouldn’t mean we suffer. Yes, suffering is part of life, but being a caregiver doesn’t mean we should be suffering in silence.

It’s important to acknowledge what are needs are, and ask for help if the opportunity arises. This is especially difficult for men, who have been conditioned to “suck it up,” and just grind through each day.

These needs could be small or big, long-term or short-term, from the need for intimacy, to the need for someone else to cook a meal. Speaking of cooking, there are just some nights where I go to cook dinner and I’m really tired, or not feeling well, and am just not up for cooking. In the past, I would push through and feel like a martyr. And then one day I was like, you know what? I don’t need to force myself to cook. If my boys are home from school (they’re both in college), I can ask for help, or we can do takeout.

This is just a small example of taking away suffering. Although cooking is my responsibility in the household, nobody is putting pressure on me to cook — I’m putting it on myself. The shift from forcing myself to cook, to giving myself the grace to sometimes not cook was a healthy shift. And you know what? Everybody understands. Nobody complains. Everybody still eats.

As caregivers, we want to take care of everybody and take away their pain, take away their suffering, their struggle. And sometimes we can take it too far. And when we do that, we start causing our own problems and suffering, because we’re not we’re not acknowledging our needs and taking care of ourselves.

So, take a few minutes and answer the question for yourself … what are your needs, and are they being met?

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