Are you present in the moment with yourself?

Or are you distracted by your list of todos, your phone, worry about the future, or regret about the past?

Are you so focused on what’s next, that you’re not here now?

This is a normal human trait, the mind is good at distracting us from being here now — so be kind with yourself if this is something you are struggling with.

It can be very challenging to be in the moment — especially with so much distraction readily available. And sometimes the present moment is uncomfortable, or sad.

The thing is, the present moment is all we’ve got, and if we’re missing it because of distraction, it’s gone.

I know this, and yet I often find myself distracted from the moment. When I become aware that I’m not really present, I have the opportunity to focus on the here and now — even when it’s uncomfortable — and live in the moment.

One way to bring yourself into the present moment is to focus on your breath, and what it feels like in your body. A slow, deep breath can help bring you more fully into the now.

The post Are Your Distracted? appeared first on Joey Donovan Guido.

But why?

What was it about this one word, “confidence,” that seemed to affect me so acutely?

So I’ve been thinking about confidence, and trying to understand and define it from a place of consciousness (mindfulness) instead of ego.

Here’s what I came up with …

Confidence = belief, not only in the self, but in the self + the Universe, which I am part of … belief in “WE” rather than “ME,”

In other words, I’ve had trouble since I’ve been on the path of mindfulness with concepts like confidence — because it felt egoic in nature, very me-centric. But when I got to thinking about the word, and the concept that it represents, I started looking at it a different way. I realized (remembered) that nothing I do is just me doing it — it’s the Universe working through me, with me, to do it. In a way, I’m just the vessel.

When this happens everything works better … from life coaching, to parenting, to my relationship with my wife, to the way my marketing firm functions and thrives.

And from this place, confidence (belief), comes from a place of we, not me.

Thanks for stopping by!

And remember, you are not alone …

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Today I’d like to share something with you that has helped me transform my life, essentially making it easier for me to make space and be more mindful when I feel overwhelmed by a thought or emotion.

This analogy ties into something I talk about a lot — and it might seem like a foreign concept if it’s the first time you’re hearing it — we are not our thoughts and emotions, they are something we experience.

Now, saying, “I am not my thoughts and emotions, they are something I experience,” is all well and good — but how do we embody that? How do we live it when we’re in the throes of distress?

This is where The River Analogy comes into play …

For much of my adult life, when I experienced a strong emotion or thought, I would feel immersed in it.

During one of these moments the vision of a river came to me. A raging river — and I was up to my eyeballs in it, nearly drowning in emotion/thought. It was quite an accurate, overwhelming visual, but then something changed …

… I said to myself, “you know what, why don’t I just get out of the river? Just get out.”

And then I visualized myself literally getting out of the river and toweling off at a safe distance from it.

Now here’s the thing: the river’s still there, the emotion, the thought, is still there. But now I’ve created some separation between myself and it, so there’s room for something more than that thought or emotion. And with this separation, or space, it becomes clear that our thoughts and emotions are not us. They are, like the river, something we experience while we’re in it, but not actually who we are.

Thanks for stopping by. And remember, you are not alone …

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How do we integrate emotional, cognitive and/or spiritual growth when the physical plane of existence still presents itself similarly (or identically) to how it did before the growth occurred?

What I’ve found is that it’s in the decisions we make.

Do we choose a conditioned response to what we’re experiencing on the physical plane, or a new response — free of conditioning — that aligns with the change (growth) we’ve experienced?

Through a new, unconditioned response the physical plane is transformed — even if it appears the same, it is ripe with transformative energy because we are interacting with it from a different place, and this gives us space to experience things differently.

This started to clarify for me on a recent trip to Ireland, where I was faced with many situations that in the past would have queued up conditioned responses. The fact that I was in a different physical place, and also actively learning about and practicing Celtic Shamanism, seemed to make it easier to respond to these situations in a non-conditioned, neutral way.

Once back home, the physical environment (predominantly our home and my office) was the same as it was before traveling — and I could see and feel an old conditioned mindset trying to creep back in.

Being aware of this has helped with letting go of these conditioned responses.

That said, if we DO act out a conditioned response — all is not lost — especially if we were aware of the response while it was happening. Or maybe we didn’t become aware of it until after it occurred. Either way, it’s worth noting that these conditioned responses can be very strong and take time to transform or fully release, so it’s important to be kind to oneself if this happens, and not turn a moment of conditioned thinking into feelings of failure and suffering.

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As caregivers, what can often happen is that we’re so busy caring for others that our needs are not addressed. Sometimes we don’t verbalize our needs, while other times we may not even be aware of what our needs are.

As I have become more mindful, I’ve gained some insight into what my needs are — as well as which ones can realistically be met, and which ones can’t. I’ve also realized that taking care of others — whether it’s caring for a spouse, parent, or child — shouldn’t mean we suffer. Yes, suffering is part of life, but being a caregiver doesn’t mean we should be suffering in silence.

It’s important to acknowledge what are needs are, and ask for help if the opportunity arises. This is especially difficult for men, who have been conditioned to “suck it up,” and just grind through each day.

These needs could be small or big, long-term or short-term, from the need for intimacy, to the need for someone else to cook a meal. Speaking of cooking, there are just some nights where I go to cook dinner and I’m really tired, or not feeling well, and am just not up for cooking. In the past, I would push through and feel like a martyr. And then one day I was like, you know what? I don’t need to force myself to cook. If my boys are home from school (they’re both in college), I can ask for help, or we can do takeout.

This is just a small example of taking away suffering. Although cooking is my responsibility in the household, nobody is putting pressure on me to cook — I’m putting it on myself. The shift from forcing myself to cook, to giving myself the grace to sometimes not cook was a healthy shift. And you know what? Everybody understands. Nobody complains. Everybody still eats.

As caregivers, we want to take care of everybody and take away their pain, take away their suffering, their struggle. And sometimes we can take it too far. And when we do that, we start causing our own problems and suffering, because we’re not we’re not acknowledging our needs and taking care of ourselves.

So, take a few minutes and answer the question for yourself … what are your needs, and are they being met?

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