When he was a kid, one of his chores was mowing the lawn, but one day he was not able to get it started.

He came into the house, and said, “dad, I can’t get the mower started.”

Matthew’s dad was not a believer in the word, or the concept of “can’t,” so he went outside with his son, got the mower working, and then bent down toward his son and said, “see son, you were just having trouble.”

This brings up an interesting point about language and intention. In this case, substituting the concept of “can’t,” which is closed, final, and just not happening, with the concept of “having trouble,” which implies there is a solution seems to be a more productive way of thinking and allowing our frontal lobe to navigate towards answers.

In talking with my wife, Kara, about this I also realized that I don’t want to be in a mindset of “having trouble,” either — that doesn’t sound good!

So, from a cognitive point of view, where we’re working with our mind (thought/emotion), it seems more positive to come from the standpoint of, “I need help with …”

Now, we’re proactive in our statement without that negative bias — and it also gives us a clear path to action … to seek help.

But the mind is not the end all, be all of this. It is only one plane of existence.

There’s another plane of existence which I often refer to as consciousness (as well as mindfulness or presence). And as much as our intention to seek help can be powerful, it’s only operating on one plane. If we  couple the cognitive with our consciousness — our connection to the Universe — now we’re working on two planes, which can be far more powerful.

The post What Are You Thinking? appeared first on Joey Donovan Guido.

This got me thinking about my own mind …

I feel like a lot of what I’m doing in life is aligned in a positive way.

Yet, sometimes there is this energy — like a “live wire” — that runs through me, even amidst the positivity and consciousness I experience. Sometimes it’s thought or emotion, but more often it’s energetic … and it’s negative.

And this live wire emits energy. I can feel it — and it sends sparks out into the world — sparks of negativity that are shaping both my perceptions, and also affecting the people and the world around me, and how we relate to each other.

Being aware of the live wire helps me become the observer (awareness) of what I’m experiencing, while I experience it. But that doesn’t necessarily mean the negative energy goes away. And even if, through this awareness, it does go away or dissipate, I notice the negativity can re-emerge. It’s like a cycle of build up and release, like waves washing over a beach and then receding, over and over. That said, I do notice the negative moments feel less strong over time, as I continue to practice mindfulness and letting go of resistance.

What this mindfulness feels like for me is a “grounding” or “rewiring,” which can cause an immediate, virtually effortless shift of energy.

To be clear, this doesn’t mean life is perfect and there’s no suffering or struggle. It just means that I’m intentionally choosing to realign and connect with a level of beingness that’s separate from my mental processes and conditioned mind. Another way of looking at it is putting my attention on a different plane of existence, other than the physical realm (which includes thought and emotion).

In essence, if I had to describe this negative energy that’s emitting from the live wire — it’s caused by the conditioned mind … by the well worn tracks in my brain that say, “you should be stressed now,” or “you should be anxious,” or whatever, which manifests as this (almost) imperceptible energy sparking.

And as I realign — which can be accomplished in many ways including slow, intentional inhales and exhales, or positive affirmations like, “I am safe,” the negative feeling dissipates and is replaced by what I can only describe as centeredness or consciousness.

Another method I have started to practice is something called the inner smile. It has the same effect, and often accompanies that slow, intentional breathing I just mentioned.

Our breath is a portal to consciousness. This is something I learned from Eckart Tolle and Ram Dass, and they are 100% right. We just need to remember to use it to bring ourselves more into the moment so there are less negative sparks, and more space for life.

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Are you present in the moment with yourself?

Or are you distracted by your list of todos, your phone, worry about the future, or regret about the past?

Are you so focused on what’s next, that you’re not here now?

This is a normal human trait, the mind is good at distracting us from being here now — so be kind with yourself if this is something you are struggling with.

It can be very challenging to be in the moment — especially with so much distraction readily available. And sometimes the present moment is uncomfortable, or sad.

The thing is, the present moment is all we’ve got, and if we’re missing it because of distraction, it’s gone.

I know this, and yet I often find myself distracted from the moment. When I become aware that I’m not really present, I have the opportunity to focus on the here and now — even when it’s uncomfortable — and live in the moment.

One way to bring yourself into the present moment is to focus on your breath, and what it feels like in your body. A slow, deep breath can help bring you more fully into the now.

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The other day I drew a card that stopped me in my tracks. It said …

“A vital question to ask yourself frequently is: What is my relationship with the present moment — friend or enemy?”

Enemy? Did I read that right?

I had never thought about the present moment in that way before — as a relationship. When I check in it’s typically to see if I am in a place of acceptance or resistance (or a combination of the two).

And in that moment, I realized that the present moment felt like an enemy because I was fighting it — in other words I was resisting it. What Eckhart has done here, in one brief sentence, is help us cut through unconsciousness to reveal our relationship with the present moment. And in doing so, he helps us be IN the present moment.

One of the lessons I’ve learned is that awareness doesn’t necessarily put an end to resistance (AKA suffering), but it DOES put us in a position to take a breath and be in presence. And when we’re in presence, that resistance is like a barking dog that we’ve let out into the backyard, instead of letting it continue to bark right in our face.

What is your relationship to the present moment? Friend or enemy?

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But why?

What was it about this one word, “confidence,” that seemed to affect me so acutely?

So I’ve been thinking about confidence, and trying to understand and define it from a place of consciousness (mindfulness) instead of ego.

Here’s what I came up with …

Confidence = belief, not only in the self, but in the self + the Universe, which I am part of … belief in “WE” rather than “ME,”

In other words, I’ve had trouble since I’ve been on the path of mindfulness with concepts like confidence — because it felt egoic in nature, very me-centric. But when I got to thinking about the word, and the concept that it represents, I started looking at it a different way. I realized (remembered) that nothing I do is just me doing it — it’s the Universe working through me, with me, to do it. In a way, I’m just the vessel.

When this happens everything works better … from life coaching, to parenting, to my relationship with my wife, to the way my marketing firm functions and thrives.

And from this place, confidence (belief), comes from a place of we, not me.

Thanks for stopping by!

And remember, you are not alone …

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It’s not a burden.

It’s a gift.

An honor.

A sacred responsibility, that I choose each day.

Yes, it’s still hard.

Yes it’s still challenging.

Yes, it can feel depressing, sad, overwhelming, unmanageable, unfair.

And yet a simple shift in perception, from the egoic state into consciousness, changes everything.

The post The Caregiver’s Perception Shift appeared first on Joey Donovan Guido.

Not too long ago, I decided that I simply couldn’t stay in the house anymore, as I had been at the computer for most of the day.

I really wanted to go out for a run/walk, and got excited about the prospect. Then I suddenly thought, it’s 6° outside — that’s not safe!

And just as quickly the Universe reminded me:

If you live your life in fear, then fear lives your life.

This message was much needed, as I’ve been experiencing a lot of fear lately about some long-standing challenges.

I got dressed, went out in the cold, and it was beautiful.

Are you letting fear live your life? If so, I hope the message I received helps you, too.

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Today I’d like to share something with you that has helped me transform my life, essentially making it easier for me to make space and be more mindful when I feel overwhelmed by a thought or emotion.

This analogy ties into something I talk about a lot — and it might seem like a foreign concept if it’s the first time you’re hearing it — we are not our thoughts and emotions, they are something we experience.

Now, saying, “I am not my thoughts and emotions, they are something I experience,” is all well and good — but how do we embody that? How do we live it when we’re in the throes of distress?

This is where The River Analogy comes into play …

For much of my adult life, when I experienced a strong emotion or thought, I would feel immersed in it.

During one of these moments the vision of a river came to me. A raging river — and I was up to my eyeballs in it, nearly drowning in emotion/thought. It was quite an accurate, overwhelming visual, but then something changed …

… I said to myself, “you know what, why don’t I just get out of the river? Just get out.”

And then I visualized myself literally getting out of the river and toweling off at a safe distance from it.

Now here’s the thing: the river’s still there, the emotion, the thought, is still there. But now I’ve created some separation between myself and it, so there’s room for something more than that thought or emotion. And with this separation, or space, it becomes clear that our thoughts and emotions are not us. They are, like the river, something we experience while we’re in it, but not actually who we are.

Thanks for stopping by. And remember, you are not alone …

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One of the ways we do this is through awareness, observing what’s happening in the moment, and doing our best to accept what is — if only for just that moment.

But what about when resistance rears its head?

For instance, if we’re experiencing worry about the person we are a caregiver for it’s easy to start feeling resistance to what is … specifically, whatever is ailing them.

Let’s use my wife’s health as an example. I often experience worry about her health, as well as resistance that she’s sick. Notice how I describe this as “experiencing,” these things. One way of creating space between thoughts and emotions is to acknowledge that these thoughts and emotions are not us — they are something we experience. Just like you are not the cold if you go outside in the dead of winter. You experience the cold, and you are not it.

So resistance can easily push us away from accepting what is. It can also put us in a place where we are not fully in the moment.

One way to look at resistance is, it’s something that comes up when someone tells you what to do, and there might be an immediate resistance, like, “oh, yeah, don’t tell me what to do!” That’s a very basic form of resistance.

Whereas, if somebody says, “hey, what do you think about X, Y and Z, how should we handle it?” Now, resistance is much less likely to rear its head, because you’re being asked a question and you’re being asked for your opinion.

So it makes sense that might be a level of resistance present when somebody gets sick, because you weren’t asked, “what’s your opinion here on being a caregiver?” — it just came into your life.  so now, you might be feeling resistant to what your care recipient (what I call the “caregivee”) is going through, as well resisting being a caregiver, making resistance a multi-layered not-fun experience.

Cooking breakfast is something I have resistance to. I don’t like to cook, so there’s resistance on that level. So in the morning, I get up, I exercise, I meditate, and then I cook. And as soon as I go into the kitchen I start feeling this resistance to cooking. And I realize it’s not just about the fact that I don’t like to cook. It’s about the fact that my wife is not well enough to cook.

And then that brings up the resistance I have to her illness, to the situation, to the fact that I don’t like cooking, and I don’t I don’t want to have to be a caregiver.

I didn’t choose this.

And all of a sudden, this resistance starts to mount and become stronger.

These types of thoughts and emotions aren’t relegated just to caregivers taking care of loved ones. They can also be experienced by nurses, doctors, therapists, or anyone who takes care of others in a professional setting — and each of these scenarios are going to have different stressors and different triggers — different trauma that might come up. But regardless of the exact situation, each of us needs to learn how to how to cope with the caregiver role in a way that’s healthy.

As mentioned earlier, being aware of what you’re feeling, of what you’re thinking, of observing it, is one way of handling thoughts and emotions in a healthy way — even if you’re noticing resistance, that’s OK! Just do your best to accept that you’re feeling (experiencing) resistance. Because the alternative is to resist that your’re feeling resistant and that just adds another layer of suffering.

And even if whatever you’re experiencing doesn’t go away, that’s okay. The fact that you are observing yourself, in awareness (or in presence) that you are resistant to x, y and z, is progress — so please be kind to yourself as you work through this.

You may be wondering, how do I get to a place where I’m in awareness?

One of the simplest — yet extremely effective — ways of being in awareness is to practice intentional breathing as long as this is something you’re comfortable with. Slow, deep breathing, and actually visualize each breath filling up your body can go a long way in helping you be in the present moment, observe the situation, and even calm you down (slow breathing is a clear signal your vagus nerve can deliver to your brain that you are safe and OK).

Want to learn more?
If you’d like more help dealing with resistance, acceptance and the struggles of being a caregiver, feel free to reach out and schedule a complimentary discovery call to see if in-person or virtual life coaching is right for you.

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How do we integrate emotional, cognitive and/or spiritual growth when the physical plane of existence still presents itself similarly (or identically) to how it did before the growth occurred?

What I’ve found is that it’s in the decisions we make.

Do we choose a conditioned response to what we’re experiencing on the physical plane, or a new response — free of conditioning — that aligns with the change (growth) we’ve experienced?

Through a new, unconditioned response the physical plane is transformed — even if it appears the same, it is ripe with transformative energy because we are interacting with it from a different place, and this gives us space to experience things differently.

This started to clarify for me on a recent trip to Ireland, where I was faced with many situations that in the past would have queued up conditioned responses. The fact that I was in a different physical place, and also actively learning about and practicing Celtic Shamanism, seemed to make it easier to respond to these situations in a non-conditioned, neutral way.

Once back home, the physical environment (predominantly our home and my office) was the same as it was before traveling — and I could see and feel an old conditioned mindset trying to creep back in.

Being aware of this has helped with letting go of these conditioned responses.

That said, if we DO act out a conditioned response — all is not lost — especially if we were aware of the response while it was happening. Or maybe we didn’t become aware of it until after it occurred. Either way, it’s worth noting that these conditioned responses can be very strong and take time to transform or fully release, so it’s important to be kind to oneself if this happens, and not turn a moment of conditioned thinking into feelings of failure and suffering.

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